Global warming, climate change, the gravity shortage… It’s all bad, but we can each and every one of us do our part. Ride mass transit, go vegan, store heavy objects as low as possible. You know the drill.
Now it’s June 1st already! I’m spreading the word about Global Time Loss! (GTL!) People used to say that as you get older, time passes more and more quickly. But I just saw on Twitter where one of my very young, otherwise healthy, Twitter friends remarked “Holy cow it’s 6/1 already? Where’s the time going??” If even she’s affected, what about those of us already at high risk? Time will fly. GTL! June? Hell I’m still tripping over Christmas ornaments!
What causes GTL!? Man. Obviously. By overpopulating our planet and guzzling its resources we are literally eating Earth alive. As it is consumed it naturally becomes lighter, which in turn makes it spin faster, and orbit faster. Speeding time.
I know what you’re thinking. “Steve, what can I do to fight GTL!?”
First, knowledge is power. Spread the word about GTL!. Then start conserving today:
- Set your calendar back five minutes.
- Multitask more, harder, faster.
- Don’t even think about stopping for yellow lights.
- If you drink Tall, go Grande. Already Grande? Go Venti.
- Dammit quit writing checks!
There are thousands of ways to cut corners!
GTL!: The time to save is now.